When my husband and I decided to give my stepson a sibling we thought it would be a walk in the park.
I really thought it was something that would happen pretty much overnight for us. My sister- in-laws were having babies around the same time and we thought it would be the right time to try and have a child. All I could think was I hope I get pregnant so our son, whom was 11 at the time, can have someone to play with and the cousins can grow up with each another; little did we know that wasn’t the case.
Here is our story!
Our long journey started in 2008, after trying on our own for several years and years of failed attempts, I decided to reach out to our local fertility specialist at Scott and White. I walked in to all of my appointments with high hopes. Every time walking in thinking that maybe I had my ovulation wrong or it was just something that was an easy fix. We started out with just taking Clomid for several months and each month nothing was happening. We then moved on to the next step, which was having a hysterosalpingogram test done.
After the test came back that my right fallopian tube was blocked from Endometriosis everything started to make sense. I actually got excited knowing that we finally figured out what the problem was. The doctor put us back on Clomid and told us to try again for a few more months. During those few months “nothing”. Our months have now turned in the a few years.
We would try and then take a break, try and take a break. I felt like my body was rejecting everything we tried. It then started taking an emotional toll. I began getting angry and thought to myself why me. What did I do to deserve all this pain? I was so determined to get pregnant. It became a routine. I kept telling myself what can I do to make my chances better for the next time but nothing was happening.
We then sat down with our fertility doctor and tried to figure out what our next best option would be. We decided that removing my right fallopian tube and removing the scar tissue from my left tube would be our best bet. We had laparoscopic surgery, my right fallopian tube was removed and was told to try again for 3 months with Clomid.
After three months of Clomid, “NOTHING”. My dreams of having a baby were slipping away and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I felt like I have failed my husband and stepson. I believe a woman should become a mother in their life time. I felt like the only thing I was born to do, I couldn’t be. I felt lost and confused, hurt and angry. I finally just told myself that getting pregnant wasn’t going to happen and we should stop everything all together. My mind was made up but my heart was still telling me something different.
We continued on with life. We gave up! A few more years went by and we decided to sit down with our doctor one more time. We went in for a consult, he suggested that we should have a blood test done called Anti-Mullerian Hormone test or also known as an Ovarian Reserve test. We did the test which took about 2 weeks to get the results back. The doctor told us if it comes back .9 or lower that having a baby the natural way wasn’t going to be an option. Well the test came back and it was .2. My heart nearly came out of my throat, I was devastated. We had low ovarian reserve. I thought what else could go wrong. He said that my only option was IVF. I felt like I had died. I did die. I have failed at becoming a mother, I failed at giving my stepson a brother or sister. I began pushing my husband away thinking that maybe he can find someone else to give him children. I hated myself and I hated life.
Life went on the best that I could make it. I cried nearly every night for a few years. I put on my fake smile and went on with my day. I became so numb that nothing in life mattered, but being the hard head that I am my heart said let’s give it one more try.
That’s when I went to Texas Fertility Center to meet Dr. Anthony Propst for our first consult. We went over my chart and he told me what my options were. He said I could try IVF with my own eggs but my chances were less than 20% and that my best options would be using a donor egg. I thought to myself, why me? Why would God do this to me? I went home and looked up all the information I could on using donor eggs. I then started to look online and just read others people’s stories and began to find hope again. I thought I am not the only one in this world going through this alone.
The support groups and stories that are available are unbelievable. I would spend hours a day reading others stories. This was it our last shot our last hope of having a baby.
We began the IVF process. The process went so smooth. The appointments leading up to our transfer were amazing. Everyone made everything feel so reassuring. I felt so comfortable around the staff and doctors. They took the time making you feel at ease. They answered all my questions silly or not anytime of the day or night.
Our transfer day finally arrived! We ended up transferring two embryos. I crossed every fingers and toes and everything else I could. I knew if this didn’t work we would be heart broken. It was our last option, our 8 years were getting put to the test. It was in God’s hands. We had our transfer May 14, 2014 and on May 22, 2014 we got the news we waited 8 years for ~ WE WERE PREGNANT!
I never thought I would hear that word. A part of me still had that defensive wall up that I had built to keep myself from getting hurt, I didn’t want to get excited, I knew it was still so soon. I then became so terrified, I didn’t want to move, not even blink. My mind went into overdrive I started to think how I was going to protect this baby and not let anything happen to it for 9 months. I knew I could only do what I could.
The time finally came we were so excited when June 11th finally arrived, it was our first ultrasound. We could finally hear the baby’s heart beat and my mind could ease a little knowing I can finally hear him or her. We got the surprise of our lifetime. Dr. Propst started the ultrasound and we got to hear the baby’s heart beat. Dr. Propst then said do you want to hear baby B’s heart beat? My husband just about fell out of the chair.
We were pregnant with Identical twins. We were blessed with two babies. Who would of thought after all the heartache we would be blessed with two babies. TWO beautiful babies. I know I made my story long or it may not be long enough, but if it helps just one person during their infertility process and gives them hope, like others’ stories gave me hope, then it’s worth it. My cries and my pain and now my JOY made it all worthwhile.
We delivered our Identical twin GIRLS on December 29, 2014. God made our 8 years of pain worth it and I know I would do it all over again. I know there is no guarantee that everyone walks away with their hearts desire. But if you don’t give it a shot you will never know. We now have two beautiful 7 month old girls that bring so much laughter and joy to our lives and our son has the joy of his little sisters running after him for the rest of his life. My heart, my husband and my son’s heart are now whole. Please don’t give up on that dream. If it’s meant to be, it will be!
I will begin your journey here with a prayer:
The Fertility Blessing
You know my deep desire for a child, a little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish.
Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with your will.
Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
I wish all your dreams to come true!
Photography by Bee Yourself Photography
Owner Melanie Cook